Thursday, November 20, 2008
i heard these from beal :Fishy business
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked
_____
Of good and bad news
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
"When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"Thats wonderful," the artist
"Thats wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
_____
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
____
A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responds.
The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!
__
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."
____
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world.
After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question?"
"I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
____
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
____
SERIOUS STUFF
okay, i noe its a lil R-rated but hey! we're grown-ups rite ? :)
anyhoos i was just watching this program yesterday on how to treat chronic insomia.
apparently, there are 3 remedies.
they were tested on 3 individuals who suffered from chronic insomnia due to
- a screwed up biological clock
- stress
- * i dont remember the other one*
so the 3 rememdies are
- counting sheep
- a hot glass of milk before bed
- relaxation ( closing u're eyes and thinking about beautiful places )
and out of the 3 apparently, the most effective is having a hot glass of milk before bed :P
i was a wee bit surprised but i always knew milk was good for u. HAHA :D
LOVE
yeeling :D
12:39 PM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
u can't blame me for the belated as i was busy partying with u last night 0= ) HAHA.
anyways, i hope you had a great 17th! ive known you for 5 years and its been great. WE'VE GRADUATED OFFICIALLY, on your birthday. perfect timing i must say. well, i hope u had a blast cause i noe i did :D
Thank you for, EBERITING :)
LOVELOVE
yeeling ; )
9:08 AM
Friday, November 14, 2008
THE PERISHERS - PILLS
I hope my smile can distract you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know
I hope my love can blind you,
I hope my arms can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be
One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not ok
One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not ok
But that’s one thing I would never
One thing I would never
That’s one thing
I would never say to you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know
I hope my love can blind you,
I hope my arms can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be
One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not ok
One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not ok
But that’s one thing I would never
One thing I would never
That’s one thing
I would never say to you
10:29 AM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
its funny how things change - its just a matter of time.
how i wondered if it was going to end - it felt like it would never end.
now when i look back, i don't feel a thing.
now, what happened seems like nothing more than another chapter in my life with your name on it - just a phase. it maybe filled with happy memories & more than that but, its just a chapter nonetheless.
how i wondered if it was going to end - it felt like it would never end.
now when i look back, i don't feel a thing.
now, what happened seems like nothing more than another chapter in my life with your name on it - just a phase. it maybe filled with happy memories & more than that but, its just a chapter nonetheless.
sometimes i wish today was the day it was a year ago.
1:00 PM
Monday, November 10, 2008
question: WHAT IS LOVE?
i've always questioned my myself.
what is that warm fuzzy feeling i get when im sitting next to a boyfriend?
what is that tingling sensation when i read a sweet message?
why does my heart yearn for him although i've just seen him an hour ago?
why is he the only person that can make me laugh without saying anything?
why does his warmth melt my ice cold hands?
could it be LOVE?
den i stop to think. maybe its just infatuation.
i've been told that REAL love doesn't hurt. that its the best feeling in the world. that despite this busy busy world and milions of people around you, all you see his him(corny! HAHA)
but i dont reli believe those cliches anymore.
i've used the word LOVE before and looking back i wonder, was it my immaturity? was it because i really wanted it to be love?
until now, i still don't have the answers. so, i asked MR. ATTICUS YEO :)
yeeling . (R) ♥ says: what is love?
(W)Atticus(W) (F) says: hmm..
(W)Atticus(W) (F) says: love is..
(W)Atticus(W) (F) says: sacrifce
(W)Atticus(W) (F) says: patience
SACRIFICE.
den maybe love is more than feeling happy with that someone.
only feeling safe when he's beside you.
only feeling complete when he's with you.
but, a feeling to protect him whatever way you can.
I think the world of I and ME and MYSELF comes to an end when we meet our significant other.
i just came across this a few minutes ago from su ann's blog and i think this is beautiful.
“this then is the source of our desire to love each other. love is born into every human being, it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.
and so, when a person meets the half that is his very own, then something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don’t want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment.
these are the people who finish out their lives together and still cannot say what it is they want from one another. no one would think it is the intimacy of sex - that mere sex is the reason each lover takes so great and deep a joy in being with the other. it’s obvious that the soul of every lover longs for something else; his soul cannot say what it is, but like an oracle it has a sense of what it wants, and like an oracle it hides behind a riddle. suppose two lovers are lying together, and Hephaestus stands over them with his mending tools, asking, “What is it you human beings really want from each other?”
and suppose they’re perplexed, and he asks them again: “Is this your heart’s desire then - for the two of you to become parts of the same whole, as near as can be, and ever to separate, day or night? Because if that’s your desire, I’d like to weld you together and join you into something that is naturally whole, so that the two of you are made into one. Then the two of you would share one life, as long as you lived, because you would be one being, and by the same token, when you died, you would be one and not two in Hades, having died a single death. Look at your love, and see if this what you desire: wouldn’t this be all the good fortune you could want?”
surely you can see that no one who received such an offer would turn it down; no one would find anything else that he wanted. instead, everyone would think he’d found at least what he had always wanted: to come together and melt together with the one he loves, so that one person emerged from two. why should this be so? it’s because, as i said, we used to be complete wholes in our original nature, and now ‘Love’ is the name for our pursuit of wholeness, for our desire to once again be complete.”
Extracted from The Speech of Aristophanes, in Plato’s Symposium.
I’d like to weld you together and join you into something that is naturally whole, so that the two of you are made into one.
12:10 PM